I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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