I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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