I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
