so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were trust falling into bushes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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