Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
