I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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