Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
