Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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