She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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