Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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