im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My pussy is not your playground.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
