theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
