I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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