He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
