OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
