He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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