did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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