i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
