The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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