Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
