And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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