Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
