i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
