Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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