i was born a porn star she said
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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