New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Text me some of your sweat
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