I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
