This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
