You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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