recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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