it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
