I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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