Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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