Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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