I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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