Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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