remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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