my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
