I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
