I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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