life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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