Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
