My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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