omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
