I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
