She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
