You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
