Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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