Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize