whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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