it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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