i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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