she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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