Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
