I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
