wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
