it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
