Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
