meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
