I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
