i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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