only if we run a train.
done.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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