I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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