If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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