I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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