Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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