I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
